Marriage Consultant

I have the ability to listen to and understand information and ideas presented through spoken words and sentences, communicate information and ideas in speaking so others will understand, tell when something is wrong or is likely to go wrong. It does not involve solving the problem, only recognizing there is a problem, speak clearly so others can understand you, apply general rules to specific problems to produce answers that make sense.

Although we are in the 21st century, South Asian men and women can still have some traditional values when it comes to gender roles. Know what your partner expects of you and work out any differences by compromising on how roles will be split.

Maybe this question is a big thing to ask for the very first meeting, but it will certainly clear some doubts you might have. It will help you to understand, if she has any financial responsibilities towards her parents, which she would like to fulfil even after marriage, just like you.

Find out about her social life, her favourite pastime and her other interests. This way you can get to know whether she is an extrovert or an introvert. Such small details can actually help you in deciphering whether she is 'your kind' of a girl or not! Do not go overboard with too many questions, as she is not a candidate whom you are interviewing for your wife's position. You are looking for a life partner who should be compatible with you and your family.

This is a very important question, as we tend to act more like our parents than we would like to admit. Thus, the strengths and weaknesses that came from their communication style will most likely appear in your new marriage. Identify what your model was like growing up to help identify what your default communication style might be.

This is particularly relevant if either party is a Muslim. I believe the community will insist on conversion of the girl to Islam if the boy is a Muslim. I am not sure if they will insist on the boy's conversion if the girl is a Muslim. What religion will the children profess? This is a complex issue and had better be sorted out right in the beginning.

These hot topics are often ones that often get ignored but have serious and day-to-day implications for your marriage. Be sure you understand each other's values about these important issues without judgment.

If you have been dating for a while, you may know a little about how your partner communicates. But asking this question forces you both to have a direct conversation about what you both need to talk about serious topics. For example, one of you may need to hold hands while you talk so you are reassured that the other still cares or one of you may prefer to talk while you're engaged in an activity such as walking or hiking. Do your relationship a favor by talking about it so that you don't have to learn as much by trial and error.

If you are a post graduate, would you be willing to marry a graduate? If you hold a degree in engineering (say), would you agree to marry a diploma holder?

"Because I love him/her" is not a sufficient answer since love alone will not make your marriage a success. A healthy marriage comes from, mutual respect, as well as compatibility, among other things. Be specific about what about this person makes him/her different from anyone else. Saying things like, "She is very compassionate" or "He is generous" speaks to each other's qualities and your values.

If you are normal, would you marry a man who has a slight limp? Or a scar on his body that is visible?

Be specific when you answer this. Instead of saying, "We both value family", try to identify in what way you show that you value them. Examples include, "I believe that we should spend time with family once per week" or "We should never lie to family" etc.

This can be a great way to bond with each other as you look into the future toward your joint life together. It's also a way to see what you both expect and hope from your marriage and to see if how closely those visions match.

Some people need to have a career outside of the marriage and family life and others would prefer otherwise. Some couples require both partners to work to maintain a certain level of finances. This will also come up if you have children in terms of identifying which parent will stay home with the children (and for how long) and who will continue to make money.

If he is ideal otherwise, would you reject him on account of the number of strands of hair on his pate?

Of course, corollaries to each of these questions could be asked to a young man too but we are discussing here the conditions to considered by young women.

This can help you understand how to best fit in with your future in-laws and also identify any potential sources of conflict with in-laws. For some South Asian men, choosing between their mother and their wife can be a source of serious conflict with newlywed couples. It is important to discuss how the relationship with each of your families will change after marriage.

Do you feel safe with the way your partner expresses anger? Do you feel satisfied with the way your partner expresses his/her needs? Couples must to develop a common language to communicate how they feel, what they think and what they need. If you ever have felt unsafe around your partner when they've expressed any emotion, it is crucial that you seek professional help immediately so you both learn how to express feelings in a healthy manner.

Will the man or his parents insist on the woman going on having babies till a male offspring arrives?

This "ghar ka chiraag" and "vaaris" or "khaandaan ka naam aage le jaana" nonsense must stop. Let this be frankly discussed. I recommend, two children and no more, irrespective of the sex of the children.

Some people prioritize vacations or eating out, others wish to invest in property, and yet others may be very low spenders and would prefer to save as much as possible. Be sure you have a common vision about where most of your money will go, even if you decide not to combine finances.